Basic Cable is for Pussies!

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The Bitch is Back in Llanview!

Tina Lords Roberts is on her way back to Llanview to wreak havoc on the lives of it's residents. if they knew better, they should be bracing themselves cause when hurricane Tina blows into town lives will be affected. The Original Tina was not "The Sexy Tina" nor "The Funny & Wacky Tina"...Oh, no! She was the "Manipulative bitchy Tina" that we all loved to hate.

Who will she mess with first? Dorian? Blair? Viki? So many divas, so little time...and who will she bed?! I hope she comes back with David Vickers...remember that she once had feelings for him but he was too busy trying to pass himself off as a Lord heir ala Jared today until he admitted to Tina that he wasn't and she even married him briefly.

And where has she been all this time? And where is her son, CJ? What ever she says...I will eat it or drink it up!

Tina hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry back...the town needs you! We need you to steal babies and go over waterfalls and steal people's fortunes all the while with an innocent look, bad girl smile and fabulous manicure, bitch!

BB9: Its James World, We Just Live In It.

Okay, so, seriously, who is not watching? And if not, what are you doing? Because maybe I should be doing that....Anyhoo....This group of houseguests has definitely been a frustrating bunch of retards. But we are watching. Just admit it. We are here for you. Yes, I cannot stand the group left. Except James. Some quick thoughts.

First off, I just cannot hear that horrible South Jersey accent of Adam's again. Why are there no subtitles for Adam? How can a person who speaks like that use the word retard and not think there will be reprecussions? Oh, he can say that because he works with "them?" I dont think so. BTW, he doesnt anymore. I think people who don't work with "them" can say it more easily, so I will. I do think anyone with a brain knows not to call actually disabled people that. I can use the word freely now, because I know who I am referring to. Adam is a retard! Dude, yes you did lose your job A-Baller!! First, I cant even believe it was PUBLIC RELATIONS!!!!!!! what the fuck???!! okay, sorry. but seriously....yes....spoiler alert.... you have been fired dumbass! Who would even hire him? LOOK at him!!! And for PR??? Can you see him doing, like, a press conference. I would be trying to follow his crazy eyes around so much I wouldnt be able to concentrate on translating his South Jerseyeeeese. What the? Who the? And A-Baller? WTF? If I hear that one more time, especially from Natty, I will take a letter opener to my eardrums. Say what? Or I could just change the channel? Don't be silly. Okay, back to the game. Right after this.....














So the oldhead Sheila is annoying. Wait, and horrifying to look at anymore?? Why isnt she wearing makeup? Especially on her gobbles and gobbles of neck skin. Cant she pin that shit up or something? Wear turtlenecks? A big fat choker like the horrible one the Chenbot was wearing the other night? At least then that hideous thing would be useful. You would think the producers would get on that. It could hurt someone. And has she won anything? Besides worst mother on earth?

Sharon and Ryan. Um, boring blobs. The only thing they have done to stay in the house is, well, nothing. Don't talk, don't offend.

Natalie, the bikini barista from Beaver, Oregon, talks so much about herself and God being in the house to get the bad people out, I can't say much, but I would like to know this: Was he also with her in the strip club? The abortion clinic? Is he in those fucking socks? Why else would she wear them like that all the freakin time? Its retarded. Was God also under the sheets with Matty? Speaking of Matty, I wonder if Chelsia fucked his eye straight yet? We know Nat is thinking that and we also know Matty wont turn down a hot peice from Chelsia. Especially if it helps his vision and that of everyone else forced to look at the one now that is so wonked. Seriously, is there a better line in the history of these tools? I will fuck Matty's eye straight. Nope, I don't think so. I still don't miss Chelsia's little spoiled princess ass controlling James and being dead weight hanging around his neck.

Now James James James. I am all about James. I cannot root for anyone else. I dont know how anyone can. About the game, James is a rockstar. 3 POVs in a row, and I have no doubt he can do it again. I am so glad his gameplay was't about Chelsia and he is still rocking it out. But if I were her I mighta gotten on that too. Did you see that thing? How could you miss it? Thank you gay porn! Anyway...That boy has more strength and more heart than most people twice his age. He wants to win, but, supposedly for some good reasons: charity and to keep biking to bring the world together or whatever. Not sure I buy it, I think he will definitely end up partying his ass off...However, I will assume for my own selfish purposes it is true. So that would make beating these shmucks is just icing and probably a whole lot of fun. I am torn. If he really means to do that with the money, maybe karmically it will work out. However, where is the story in that? And does goodness usually prevail on goodness and sound prupose. Hell No!!!!! So, I guess I am back to who knows. Regardless of what he does with the loot, I like him. In my opinion, kid is solid, honest and good. He is a great underdog, funny and seems sweet. I am definitely Team James. Was that obvious?

The Hills 3/24/08

The Hills are Alive…
…With the sound of drama! Actually, come to think of it, I think about 5 seconds of the season 3.2 premier actually took place in "the Hills"!
This episode showed us Whitney and Lauren "working" in Paris. The work scenes are so damn boring, they are barely worth mentioning. As always, Lauren's personal life takes precedence over her job as she leaves to take a call from Audrina who lets her know that Brody now has a girlfriend! WTF?!? Lauren is gone for like 48 hours, and Brody has already replaced her? Sorry Lauren, apparently whether you go to Paris or not, your love life is still shit! Who is this mysterious new woman, I wonder? Could it be the famous "Britney Canada-Whore" that Lauren discovered in Brody's IPhone last season? Only time will tell!
The trip also would not have been complete without some scripted drama! The ladies are going to go out to some upscale club and Lauren has nothing to wear. Seriously? What the hell was in those 12 suitcases then? Books? Kristin C.? No, Whitney, DO NOT let her wear that ball gown….Crap, she does it anyway. And it stays in one piece? Too bad she hung it back up in front of a hot curling iron! Could we be any more blonde? I don't think so.
Back in the states Heidi's Mystic Tanned self looks like an Oompa Loompa against the Colorado snow. Well, and Oompa Loompa whose upper lip has recently been surgically enhanced. I honestly don't think I heard a word she said in the entire episode, all I could focus on was the balloon on her face.
Have you ever noticed how crazy Spencer's eyes get when he is arguing with Heidi and just trying to hold back as to not look like a douche on tv? (newsflash - you still look like a douche) It is like that movie "Village of the Damned", where the kids make their eyes go all crazy and they are able to make people do things. Maybe that's how he gets Heidi to stay with him….
A few odds and ends; was that the best MTV could do in casting a hot French guy? Can Mariah Carey stand without striking a pose? Were Audrina's naked pics "leaked" to get higher ratings? If so, it worked!
Will Heidi and Spencer of the Damned get back together? Will Lauren find her true love, or….anyone? Stay tuned!